She’s Killing Me #5

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My Little Cake Boss on the right as her friend snaps a selfie. They’re looking into a mirror in the Lancome cosmetics section in Macy’s.

She’s killing me, I tell ya.

Big time.

This time, my Little Cake Boss literally left me holding the bag(s)… for over an hour.

My knees crumbled under the weight.

Two vertebrae were crushed.

But I persevered.  I mentally made myself to be one of our heroic Marines, carrying a wounded buddy to safety… while on the receiving end of an enemy barrage.

______________________________

I had the kids for ten days this time; I’m guessing their mother got another invitation to travel with a certain “somebody”.  The fact she didn’t take my son to piano tells me it must’ve been some trip.  She didn’t even tell her own kids where she would be going.  Unbelievable.

Maybe it was court ordered community service.

Nah.  Wishful thinking.

But the Little Cake Boss had been asking me for over a couple of weeks if I could take her shopping with her friends.  She said she was loaded with greenbacks and gift cards.  She even remembered how much she got from whom.

See.  Women never forget.

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So I often asked her during those ten days, “When?  Saturday or Sunday?”

Forget even asking what time.  She uses an hour glass that she forgets to turnover.

Or even the logistics.  “How many of you are going?” “When am I to pick them up…and from where?” LOL

And when I ask again, she gets mad…again.

Well, I guess I should be happy she asked me and not her mom.

______________________________

So Friday evening comes…and OMG.  She has a plan…kinda.

“Can you take us on Sunday, Papa?” she asks.

“Sure, Bu-chan (my nickname for her).  Who and at what time?”

“I don’t know yet,” she says.

Double OMG.

______________________________

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The Three Musketeers soon after arrival.  Notice their hands are empty…

Long story short, I end up picking up one of her BFF’s, “N”, at her house on Sunday at 10:45 am…  and this is after the plans changed once again that morning.  Her other BFF, “A”, is now having her mother drop her off at the mall at 11:00 “in front of Nordstrom’s”.  She tells me this as we near the mall.  (Never mind I was forced to clean the WHOLE house Saturday as “A’s” mother was supposed to be dropping her off at my house… Grrr…)

“In front of Nordstrom’s, Bu-chan?” I ask.

“Yessssss,” she annoying answers as I apparently interrupted the two girls I am chapperoning.  They are the paying customers, you know.

“Bu-chan…  I think there are five entrances to Nordstrom’s…” says I.

She doesn’t answer.  Cha-ching.  Got her.  Finally.  “Have her meet us in front of Lazy Dog Cafe then,” I say.

She still doesn’t really answer because her old man got her.  She hates that because she’s the Boss.  I can see her hurriedly texting “A”.  She’s a text queen, you know.

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Anyways, I can’t remember how many stores they hit… Translation: how many HOURS… and while she knew I would have to tag along, she “hinted” I didn’t have to stand “close” to them.  Sheesh.

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They were in there for a month, you know…  Well, actually, about five minutes.  How can three girls spend five minutes in there taking a selfie???
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…and she wouldn’t let me see the pictures. Hmmpph.
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Reaching for her first Rolex at Tiffany’s.
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Their hands are filling up.
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Can’t run low on sugar.
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Still whippin’ out that cash. Aren’t they tired yet? Isn’t it time to call it a day???

Then, the 1-1/2 hour nightmare…   It’s the equivalent of a woman having to stand for hours on end in the Craftsman Tool section at Sears while the man drools…

They hit the cosmetics section.

Lancome, even.  Criminy.

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Lancome?? I didn’t deserve this.

I didn’t know twelve year old girls could get so giddy.

They were crazed.  I think their brains stopped working.  They went from “thing” to another “thing” in there.  I have no frickin’ idea what the stuff they slathered on their faces were called.  There were just a bazillion colors.  They would put it on then wipe it off.  They used a bazillion black or white sticks with stiff little bristles at the end that they took to their eyes while standing millimeters away from the mirror…all whilst contorting their faces.  They stood so close, they blocked out the sun standing in front of those full-length mirrors.

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If a girl is confused, imagine how her dad felt.

Oh…and don’t forget…  I indeed got stuck holding the bag(s)…

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They were so heavy, my fingers went numb.

But I persevered… for over six hours.

Think about it.  I could have flown from JFK to LAX on the Spirit of St. Louis in less time…and stopped to refuel.

Oh…  They went back to the opposite end of the mall afterwards… to hit Sephora.

That’s another makeup place for you guys.

Ewww.

38 thoughts on “She’s Killing Me #5”

  1. OMG, Koji – hang in there!! At least you realize you’re defenseless against just one teenage girl – but three? O_o Throw in the towel and lay down. You are definitely going to have your hands full for a few years – Cake Boss is getting prettier with each new picture – poor daddy…..

    1. No, sir… Well, I surely don’t! I have two daughters. They are so much alike yet so different! The first one was an angel (until her mom and I found out she ditched school while listening to her maid of honor said it); this little one’s gonna be a handful, yes.

    1. Ahh… Good question, sir. Her name is Brooke. Easy for us to pronounce… but not for Japanese tongues. They can’t pronounce the “Br-” part so the ex and family have to pronounce it “ブルック”, or “Bu-rukku”. Her nickname became “Bu-Chan”. 🙂

  2. Our trips to the mall are a search and destroy mission–hit the target, then outta there. Lord help us when our daughter turns 12! Funny post–love it.

  3. I feel for you man, It still happens at age 21, except they want you to stay in the car. I gotta get Robin to learn to drive.

  4. Oh my, I did feel for you. Twelve/thirteen/fourteen years-old was the tricky time with our two girls on being-seen-in-public with parents. Shopping was easier after that. Mind you other things became more difficult and you have got to driving lessons yet to come…

    1. LOL, Hilary. You’re like gpcox… Lot’s of encouraging things to look forward to! As for driving – my oldest daughter took to driving like a champ. Taught her in my Mustang GT with a five speed manual!

  5. I have somewhere in the millions of photo’s a picture of Tom sitting with packages all around him when we took our daughter and her friend to an outet mall. All that was missing was or purses all around him. To be honest I think one was my bag – new sneakers. That is when we realized Michelle took the slogan, Shop till you drop seriously – unfortunately it was dad that dropped! lol By the way your daughter is very beautiful!

    1. Tom was a good man, Patty. Sure would like to see that picture!! To be honest, Patty, it is now four days later and my back still aches. 🙂 And thank you for your compliment on my Little Cake Boss…

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